a week at home

It’s been a week at home…and im loving every bits of it, although boredom is on its way(toot,toot!!). Im happily manifesting every second I have with my sis…telling her series of my mishaps and emotional cessations back there in shah alam…really glad to have her around for someone I can fall my back on. Not to say, I do not cherish my days with my bros,umi and waled…but zahrah is the most comfortable person to tell everything…when I say everything…It really is everything…no covering up details. I really find solace in my sis’s ability to listen intently at my rants and protest…she proved to be the reliable pillar for me to lean on.

In lieu of the entire story telling, there’s also a shopping spree and a little make over going on for me and my sis…I got myself a beautiful hair cut and treatment, and some new hijabs to go with my new blouse and skirts! :p well, it’s about time to update my wardrobe anyway. ;p he..he!!

p/s im listening to mariam fares…mosh ananeya…

its the hormon that talks....

It has been sometimes, I left the page unwritten with words of my overflowing emotions and series of excruciating ordeal. What can I say…it seems as if happiness is now something too good to be true. Whenever contentment is approaching, there at the end of the road, is the intangible evil feeling, (which existence is still an enigma) crashing the whole wonders of bliss. Oh, how I wish I am the care-free Salmah I used to be back in school and a little while in my initial year in college. But, as they say life gets harder when you get older, it is almost impossible to neglect anything that is happening around me…even the trivial matter boggles me to hell. Adding up to the pile of tormenting thoughts, of friendship, studies, and my own feeling of uncertainty, is the subject of affection.

Emotion, often when I talk about it, always draws me to conclusion I never really comprehend myself. It left me hanging in the pit of the darkest sorrow. I don’t know how to precisely describe my situation/status right now. It’s kinda complicated in its nature itself. I don’t know, the moment I think of it, it got all tangled up in me. Best not to think of it…but the truth is it keeps coming and I hate it; I hate to care about someone, I hate to have feeling about someone, I hate to think about him…I hate to miss him!! Really, I hate it so much!!! Cuz it never leaves me with even a bit of happiness but loneliness and the thought of ‘he never even thinks about me’. I wish it goes away…but I’m too weak to cease it…GOD…make me a strong person, it is one of your tests I need to go through…and I need the courage to do so….ameen~

all i want is you...

love this song..simple yet captivating..

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

of boredom and agony

hmmmm....I'm really am so tremendously bored staying at home...practically no entertainment for me... what’s there left is just a without-astro 39 inch TV! I'm working, yes...but a part time tutor and 3 times a week wouldn't wash away the growing boredom inside me...its killing u see when ur closed friend is studying and ur at home!...(faten~ when r u coming back, really missing u here babe). its all the same every semester when all of the bestest films are coming out and i am here in kelantan, a place where cinema is such an alien creation. I'll be missing all 7 films I've been so much fervent to watch...but alas here it goes again~ the same 3 jaded months of holiday...plus im so torn out with a so called predicament that had just bombarded to me yesterday...really clueless of how to settle this intangible problem between two person...im pathetic when it comes to handling problematic stuff...especially when it is cause by me..by this stupid me...i really am sorry if the only thing i knew to attain forgiveness is only by uttering out the word 'sorry'...for i do not know of any other possible ways...and im sorry that i do something really stupid that triggers your resentment and disappointment...its really not what i intended though...anyway things had happen and let time decide..cuz i can’t do nothing about it no more...wish I’d never done it...but....shits happen....n here it is straight at my face!

p/s:here is a list of seven films I'll be missing that I've made out of boredom for sure...

• 17 Again
• Angels and Demons
• Push
• Star Trek
• Terminator Salvation
• Transformers 2 : Revenge of the Fallen
• Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince( i might catch up with this one i guess..hihihi)

the key to my heart

i was browsing the net last night, and accidentally came across this photo. really think it has so much of sentimental value for its owner...the necklace is simple yet captivating!. i really love the way the key and heart-shape padlock are placed, they just complement each other so much that as if one cant stand on its own without the other half.the faded bronze coloured metal simply add to the classiness of its look(ageless!) ..isn't it lovely to have a kind of necklace, especially if its a present from a special someone..(ooh...how sweet~) :p

im sorry... n i wish im a better person

It is so hard for me to understand

Something simple that every adult can figure

I hate not to know how to react, how to think, how to feel maturely

People say I’m like a kid that is still needed to be thought of everything

They response to me as if im 11-year-old girl

I’m not!! I’m just the same as u..

Can u see that?

Alas....I can’t put all the blame on them

Sometimes simple things people say

Might bug my feelings so badly

(like a child who thinks her mother hates her because the pinch she gives her)

And sometime I can’t even care less about serious matter

That needs my total n utmost concern...

I wish I can figure stuff easily and act with matured soul

without hurting others and my very own...

Im hurting inside but i couldn’t say it out loud

I will cry when im the only one left alone

with no shoulders to cry on

Im sorry if my being hurts YOU

Im sorry for the childish acts i portray

Im sorry if my words wound you

im sorry if i get everything wrong

im sorry dear friends

i just cant help it

i wish to change...very!!

but...time will show my way...

perhaps i'm still learning...and these are some inaccuracies that

will soon carve a better me

of boredom and solemn

Boredom is like a pitiless zooming in on the epidermis of time. Every instant is dilated and magnified like the pores of the face.

when boredom strikes

everything is countable...

theres 52 chairs in the computer lab

but only two are occupied

theres 162 squares up at the ceiling

50 computers

30 windows

51 tables

288 rectangular designs on the door

5 visible plugs on the wall

2 notice boards

with 8 posters plus 3 notes

2 exit doors

2 printers

and 1 girl counting...

(im so super duper bored!!)